He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it's like heaven, but drunker
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
