This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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