She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
