Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize