I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize