I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think your dad took our porno
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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