I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
