oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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