Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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