They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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