I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
