Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize