I accidentally had phone sex last night
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
