my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
