I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
