The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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