Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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