Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
