I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
