I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
