I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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