Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
