just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
