I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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