Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize