She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
