He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize