the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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