My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize
