Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
BRING THE BAGELS
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
