i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
