my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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