good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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