Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
