I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
