# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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