I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
