i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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