I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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