Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
