fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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