Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
