I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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