If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
