my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
