five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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