i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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