Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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