sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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