Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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