Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
