He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
