apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize