I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize