I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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