I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
