he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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