just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
