If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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