Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
