walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
love makes seman taste better
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
