wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
