My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
