You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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