Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
