im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
