so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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