And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
