I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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