how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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