it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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