i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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